I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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