youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
