Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
