So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
