Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize