so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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