The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
