Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
