just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
