And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
her facebook's as public as her vagina
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Idk if I want to put a bra on
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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