I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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