I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
