That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
