You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
