Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
