Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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