it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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