and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
