his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
