in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
