i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
