I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
