what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
