Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
