R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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