There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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