wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
