The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
