Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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