well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
