why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
