If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
