that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
