We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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