Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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