I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
