I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
