Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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