Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
