I am in a vortex of obligation.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
