considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
