return my video game
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
