Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
