I should be sponsored by Trojan
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
