Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
