My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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