did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
