dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
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I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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