I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
