Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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