ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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