I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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