You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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