Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
