today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
