Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it hurts more in the daytime
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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