pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
