i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
