i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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