I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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