I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
