Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
