you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You've changed since you got that strap on
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
