I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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