What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
