She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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