I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
