I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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