We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
