fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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