if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
