VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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