They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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