I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
