My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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