I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
