I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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