If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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